So I’m finally taking it upon myself to start this blog that I’ve been talking about doing for years. It’s about time that I got a jump on this. It’s been about 3 years since I graduated with my Master’s in English, in creative writing to be specific, and I haven’t really done much creative writing at all since then.
The problem is that I have this constant companion that holds me back from doing things that I really want to be doing because I’m afraid I’ll fail so I have all these ideas of things that I want to do but haven’t done because this friend, Anxiety, won’t stop nagging at me so I end up giving up and screaming “That’s enough, Anx! I cave!”
I honestly have no idea how I would pronounce “Anx” as a nickname for my friend, Anxiety. So don’t ask. Just make it up and read with confidence however you want to pronounce it because it really doesn’t matter in the end. I am conquering you, Anx. Go hide in the corner.
Also, I know that I am not being grammatically correct all the time and I’m supposed to be all crazy about making sure that everything is in it’s place and all that jazz but that’s hateful stereotyping. Not all English majors, man.
Anyway, it’s thunderstorming outside (YES, spellcheck, “thunderstorming” is totally a verb) and there’s a lot of lightning, which is awesome, and it keeps distracting me from what I’m trying to write, which is not awesome, so I am looking at my window and it’s looking back at me.
This freaks me out. It’s like there’s an eye in my window and it’s watching me sitting on my bed and typing all of this and judging me for not knowing what I’m doing and telling me that Anx was right, and I shouldn’t write a blog because I’m already really really bad at it. So to get the Eye to shut up, I did this:
So now the Eye looks like it’s really angry at me for trying to blind it and I’m like “Sorry, dude, but I can’t have you peeping on me.”
And now I have officially gotten completely off the topic of why I’m doing a blog… I figure that’s the right thing to do in the first post.
I work with kids with special needs at both of my jobs. I’ll probably write a little about that as it’s such a huge part of my life (without naming names of course, probably changing some details just to be safe). But there are some things that happen to me at my jobs that are just too good not to tell people about, because these kids are so awesome and they deserve to be seen and heard.
Like the kid who always asks me if I have carpet in my kitchen even though he’s been in my kitchen during respite and definitely knows that it has tile but he keeps asking anyway. Or the kid who constantly shows me his right arm and whines like there is something wrong with it even though we all know that his arm is fine. Or the kid who gets a real kick out of trying to steal my coffee in the morning, even though she knows that I’m way taller than her and there’s no way she’s gonna get it.
I also struggle with anxiety and depression and figure this is a pretty good way to reach out to others also struggling with mental illness because it’s important to have a community who understands.
I will also probably delve into other aspects of my life, such as my struggles with the Eye and other random crap that happens. Stupid arguments with my boyfriend. The way that jerk-face totally cut me off on the interstate. Issues with trying to be a writer.
Thank you, as-of-yet-non-existent-readers, for sticking with me through this confusing first post. I seriously have no idea what this is or what I’m doing. Which is a pretty good way of describing how I feel about living life in general.